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Joke of the Day

"[my work enemy steve reaches in the basket of muffins my wife made] don't do it steve ""hey everyone come watch me eat brent's wife's muffin"""

"Why are red heads never calm? Because it's so easy to make a ginger snap."

"PROFILE PICTURES: What people want other people to think they look like. TAGGED PICTURES: What they actually look like."

"Although not as effective as finger quotes, finger commas and finger periods are way fun."

"""Dad, why is my picture on that milk carton?"" ""Well, son, I guess it's time that I tell you the truth. You were adopted... from a dairy."""

"I just fake-went-to-the-bathroom to avoid someone. He followed me in. I don't think the pee noises I'm making with my mouth are working."

"I regret having to say this, but it's the cold, hard truth. Never put a PayDay bar in the refridgerator. Damn thing is impossible to eat now."

"Why don't gays like to play hide-and-seek? Because everyone knows they're in the closet"

"Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?"

"A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. ""Help!"" cried the cellist ""I can't swim!"" ""Don't worry"" said the violist ""just fake it."""