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Joke of the Day

"VALENTINE'S DAY PLAN: Go to the homes of all couples who Instagram pictures of fancy restaurants and rob them while they're eating dinner."

"Just because I don't talk to you, or text you first, doesn't mean I don't miss you. I'm just waiting for you to miss me."

"Back seat drivers are all the same.. ""Why we going into the woods?"" ""Let me out"""

"Did you read the book ""Rusty Bedsprings"" by I. P. Nightly"

"Did you hear about the guy whose bank closed his account because he dropped his bowl of cereal? All his Chex bounced."

"another bar joke a neutron walks into a bar and asks ' how much for a drink ' the bartender replies ' for you, no charge'"

"(SPOILERS) What kind of car did J.J. Abrams send to pick up Harrison Ford for the new Star Wars premiere? A Hyundai."

"Can I man and a woman have sex while running? By principle, yes. By practicality, no. Because a woman runs faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down."

"My computer is so slow . . . . . . I get a progress bar when I copy and paste . . . text."

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."