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Joke of the Day

"My friends always say that I have narcissistic tendencies. I should get mad... ...but I love when they talk about me."

"My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it. He said, ""Give her a milk bath."" I said, ""Pasteurized?"" The doctor replied, ""No, just up to her knees will do."""

"While vacationing in Turkey a second time, I couldn't keep the Arabic names straight, but I saw many familiar fezzes."

"Made a shepherd's pie last night... He didn't like it."

"Thanks for putting out Mom! ~ everyone. Happy Mother's Day!"

"The Pope took mass in a false mustache recently. It was a blessing in disguise."

"I'm very good to my wife, everyday I'll run the hot water and put the bubbles in for her ...just to make doing the dishes that bit easier."

"Why did the blind man walk into a wall? Somebody shot his dog"

"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the knickers."

"The invisible man and the shrink The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible. The Psychiatrist says, ""Tell him I can't see him right now."""