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Joke of the Day

"The neighbours dogs woke me up last night barking loudly. So I threw my shoes out of the window at them and that shut them up. It was a pair of hush puppies."

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"What's a Chinese dentist's favorite time? Tooth Hurty"
"The most stressful part of my day is when my 5 year old shows me what he made in Arts & Crafts and I have to guess what it is."
"[2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] ""chief, something has brought the boys to the yard"" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT"
"I'm thinking of maybe giving up on my Olympic dream."
"What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don't eat broccoli."
"What do you call a drunk Muslim? Hammad. What do you call a really drunk Muslim? Mohammad"
"What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus? Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over *his* body"
"A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: ""You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed."" Next day Bill asks Hillary: ""So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?"""
"I've been really mad at my dad since he died... ...all he's done for the last 6 years is sit on his ash."