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Joke of the Day

"Wearing sunglasses while indoors let's everyone know you have no business making even minor life decisions."

"A steak pun... ... is a rare medium well done."

"If you didn't wanna hear ""Baby smell is biology preventing the mom from eating it,"" you shouldn't have invited me to the baby shower, Carol!"

"I like my coffee like I like my women, black and from the gas station up the street."

"What do the titanic and Madelaine McCann have in common? They're both at the bottom of the ocean and full of seamen"

"Interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: In a mirror! Well any reflective surface really, windows, shiny cars, puddles..."

"Feed a man... Feed a man some fish he'll eat for a day. Feed a man some poison he'll eat for the rest of his life. Feed a man some fingers and he'll ask you to stop."

"Have you heard about the Indian that set the track for Native American's to vote? He was the little Injun that could"

"Water boarding People who have been waterboarded are hipsters, because they got into pouring water on there head, before it before it was, cool..."

"Son: ""Mom, Dad, I'm gay."" Mom: *Stares at Dad* Dad: *Clenches fist* Mom: ""Don't!"" Dad: *Sweats Profusely* Mom: ""..."" Dad: ""HI GAY, I'M DAD"" Edit: Yay top of r/jokes, #lifegoals Also formatting"