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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if anyone ever told Hitler ""just be yourself""."

"Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist. Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity. Lucy pulls off heist. Lucy in disguise with diamonds."

"My girlfriend is a special snowflake She's cold and flaky."

"What is 6"" long and not getting sucked this Valentine's day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe"

"""You can't stand there."" ""Not there, either."" ""Nope that spot's taken, too."" -Ground hogs"

"Me: I made you a playlist... Her: OMG! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC! Me: It only has songs about food."

"""I've been a bad girl,"" she said. ""I need to be punished."" So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop."

"At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones? They got veloci-raptured."

"There were two peanuts walking down the street... ...and one was assaulted peanut."