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Joke of the Day
"A termite walks into a bar... And he says, ""where is the bartender?"""
Next Joke
"How many comedians does it take to change a light bulb? Dunno. Never been able to get them past the question."
"[Dinner date] I'm a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl, so I guess I'm kinda a momgirl ""You mean tomgirl?"" Don't talk with your mouth full."
"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"
"What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke? Yours."
"Why can't Jim's make sandwiches? Cause it was at my grannies, isn't it!!!"
"How did the bottle of whiskey laugh? ...wryly."
"What do you say when comforting a grammar Nazi? There, their, they're"
"Boss: I was listening to some Tool on the way to work. Me: I talk to myself when I'm driving sometimes too, it's ok. Boss: Just get out."
"STOP holding secret meetings about my paranoia!"