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Joke of the Day

"If Microwaves were people... They would be your one friend who always runs into something or knocks something down when you're trying to sneak into the house at 3 am."

"Cats won't give away your position when someone knocks on the door. They hide with you, like understanding furry ninjas."

"I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you"

"What's a vaccines favorite song? Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots"

"It was that time of the month. I said to the wife, 'you know, your mouth isn't bleeding...' She replied, 'yours will be if you keep up with that shit'"

"I could never cheat in a relationship... Because that would require two people to find me attractive."

"What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini."

"Corny joke What is sex like while camping? = In tents (Intense)"

"*goes through crush's phone when he dies* *gets out ouija board* ""who is Emma"""

"Who'd win if Batman fought Santa? Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer."