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Joke of the Day

"Religion is like a penis Its okay to have one... But problems arise when to you force it down someones throats."

"Doctor Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do Sir this is a fish and chip shop!"

"Only sometimes do I use semicolons in my writing; I don't want to sound like a *complete* asshole. edit: grammar. Thanks, /u/jwfiredragon"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Arfur ! Arfur who ? Arfur got !"

"What do you call a shitty bungalow? Dungalow."

"Animals that lose their tails visit the retail store."

"I just smoked so much pot that I tried to order one of the dishes of food off the scrolling instagram menu."

"I saw a poor old woman slip over on some ice the other day... ... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse."

"That's 49 -7 in dog goals."

"My wife used to make meals that would make Martha Stewart jealous. Then she joined Twitter... Now I'm lucky if she buys cereal."