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Joke of the Day

"I saw a poor old woman slip over on some ice the other day... ... at least I think she was poor; she only had $3 in her purse."

"I'm not sexist. Being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for woman."

"He already ruined your mascara, don't let him ruin your night."

"I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected president Ba Dum Tss"

"A slang word for player is playa. Playa means beach. Beach sounds like bitch. Bitch ends like sandwich. Now I'm hungry and confused."

"I saw the army of Lichtenstein the other day. He was a really nice guy."

"I only date girls that smoke weed I guess you can say I have high standards"

"Girl are you a dishwasher? Because I would like to fill you with my dirty load in the evening, turn you on, and fall asleep before you finish"

"Little monster: Mom why can't we have dustbins like everyone else? Mother monster: Less talking more eating please."

"Carl: ""It's chilly out."" Me: ""Tell me something I don't know."" ""Two dogs were hanged during the Salem witch trials."" ""Fair enough, Carl."""