189032

Joke of the Day

"M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts."

"How many IT techs does it take to change a lightbulb? Ticket closed: Forwarded to facilities."

"There are two types of people in this world. Those who finish what they start"

"I've just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect It's coming tomorrow"

"If Christians made a movie about church attendance, what would they call it? Exodus"

"I wrote a college paper about government agencies slowly encroaching on internet privacy. It's called ""NSA: An Essay."""

"No pain no gain but also no pain no pain."

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? sneakers( iknow its old but its nice)"

"CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too"

"I'm never condescending That's when you talk down to people."