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Joke of the Day

"I wrote a college paper about government agencies slowly encroaching on internet privacy. It's called ""NSA: An Essay."""

"Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business"

"how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia? when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day"

"Mom: Why don't you talk to your friend Richard anymore? You used to be best friends. Son: I don't know mom, he's kinda a dick."

"I called German UPS to ask them when they would ship my Rift.. They said, ""VR ready."""

"""Your teeth are like the stars"" he said As he pressed her hand so white. He spoke the truth for like the stars Her teeth came out at night!"

"They say that every time you have sex it's the same amount of exercise as running 5 miles But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds."

"When my wife starts to sing I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills."

"What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class? Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once."