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Joke of the Day

"I feel like grabbing a random kid by the shoulders and screaming ""I'm you from the future!"""

"Why does everyone care who Tom Brady voted for? What we really wanna know is who Ja Rule voted for. WHERE IS JA?!"

"In the beginning, God made Heaven and Earth... The rest was made in China."

"My parents and teachers told me I could be whatever I wanted to be but I'm 28 years old now and I'm still not a crime-fighting mermaid :("

"Have you heard the one about the bed? No? That's 'cause it hasn't been made yet."

"All girls love surprises. I didn't know putting a snake in her handbag was wrong. We can't understand women."

"it's my birthday today. IK Fuck you too."

"What do my iPhone and my girlfriend have in common? They both go off again two minutes later to remind me of the same thing."

"The key to a long and good relationship is to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!!!"

"I just had to think to remember how to write a capital ""P"", so if anyone needs a tutor for their kid or anything, hit me up."