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Joke of the Day

"[At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers"

"I bought a Cosmo magazine that said ""Best Sex Ever!"" All I got was a bunch of papercuts."

"Another sad news on an international celebrity... Justin Bieber was found alive in her condo earlier today."

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem!"

"A cop pulled over a spanish photon... The cop asked, ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" The photon said, ""c."""

"What's the best thing to do with a thimble? Bang it with a drum-thtick!"

"I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer... but no one would do it."

"Why is Denmark the happiest country on Earth? Because all the sad people there kill themselves."

"My beard has grown so much. It's time to ... shampoo."

"A German joke... A man is thanking a German firefighter in America for saving 100 people. The German says, ""Don't Menschen it"""