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Joke of the Day

"People keep accusing me of collecting periodicals... They never specify which magazine my issues are from, they just tell me that I have them."

"""Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately."" ""Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."""

"Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions."

"The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth."

"Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad? Because it's soda pressing."

"What do you call an elf that follows Scientology? Elron Hubbard"

"Did you here about the scientist who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now."

"So the current Prime Minister of the UK just blocked compulsory sex education in schools.. I guess he doesn't want children to be able to identify a cunt."

"""Mary had a little lamb. had."" -wolf"

"What do you call a dog without front legs? Chester."