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Joke of the Day

"Listening to a global economy futurist. Pretty sure in 20 years Chinese parents will say ""Clean your plate, people in the US are starving."""

"*Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*"

"I was dating this girl until I found out she stuffed her bra with tissue paper. Then I was hooked because serious allergy issues."

"Have you heard of the restaurant on the moon? great food, no atmosphere"

"Q: How can you tell when you've passed an elephant? A: Your eyes are watering and you can't get the seat to go down."

"An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. ""How did you get here?"" he asked. And the new angel replied ""Flu..."""

"Did you hear? There was an active shooter at the observatory! He was shooting for the stars!"

"After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?"

"Two TV antennas got married last weekend. The wedding was nothing special, but the reception was excellent."

"LPT: How to get out of murder/manslaughter charges. Become a police officer."