11299

Joke of the Day

"Why did the comedian go to doctor? Because the audience gave him the clap"

"Why did Luke Skywalker never really know his father? Because he was a child of da'force"

"ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY ""BEE URSELF"" OR ""BE"

"""I'm single and ready to mingle""..oh god, is this why I'm still single, cuz I say shit like that?"

"I have an epileptic friend... He's a jerk..."

"I orgasmed during the sermon today. It was my cum to Jesus moment."

"Do scientists know how Ebola effects white people yet?"

"What can an elevator do that a black man can't? Raise a family."

"[Stock market crashes] ""Oh no, I better check on my investments!"" *opens cupboard over top of the sink* [1000s of Shrek dvds fall out]"

"Rasputin never died that day, as an immortal being. He hid for decades, before dropping the ""Ras"" and slipping back into Russian politics."