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Joke of the Day

"I was dating this girl until I found out she stuffed her bra with tissue paper. Then I was hooked because serious allergy issues."

"[My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours."

"I used to love your updates. Then you pissed me off, and now your updates piss me off too."

"How do you get pickled bread? With dill-dough. Credit goes to a J. Cain"

"What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches? A high medium low"

"Netflix asked 'How often do you watch period pieces?' 'About once a month'"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No ideer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no nose, and no ears? Still no ideer."

"How many mexicans does it take to replace a lightbulb? Juan."

"Sad news from Miami today: Famous rapper, Pitbull, was unfortunately found alive in his home today according to a relative."

"What does Donald Trump and a 12 year old have in common? They know a lot about hacking."