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Joke of the Day

"I got stopped in the street today by a woman with a clipboard asking ""What products do I use for grooming?"" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, ""Facebook."""

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"I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins"
"My wife is like a new credit card. 0% interest for 12 months."
"Brother: How do you top a car ? Sister: Tep on the brake tupid."
"Minimum Wage, Maximum Rage: The life of a Twitter opinion haver"
"Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke. *flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta's face* Nick Cage: I already handled it"
"Spoiler alert for the lady in this line, repeatedly asking her newborn 'what's wrong?' Its not gonna answer ya."
"What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian? The canoe tips."
"Why are there no good jokes about men? Because they were written by women."
"Wanna be like jesus, walk on a cucumber, its 98% water, so you're 98% jesus"