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Joke of the Day

"I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym."

"Why did the programmer die in the shower? He followed the shampoo instructions."

"I've learned a lot about kids while working at Menard's. Namely don't bring you fucking kid to Menard's."

"If that's his reaction to spinach, Popeye should never try cocaine."

"How did the OBGYN win the election? He was able to stirrup some controversy about his opponent with his effective smear campaign."

"How do you request another Mormon wife? Brigham Young"

"I am not racist because racism is a crime and crime is for black people"

"My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left."

"When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T's on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear."

"A kid at the park said a giant hemorrhoid is heading toward Earth. I know he misspoke but in the closing days of 2016 one can't be too sure."