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Joke of the Day

"I've learned a lot about kids while working at Menard's. Namely don't bring you fucking kid to Menard's."

"Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb we'll have to change everything."

"I have a talent for only attracting people I have no interest in dating."

"I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas."

"Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,"

"Paris Hilton is suddenly a DJ? Well. Then I'm a dragon."

"I just got arrested for playing chess in the middle of the road It's because I'm black, isn't it."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, of course!"

"When an ad says critics are ""raving"" over a movie, I picture them all in a dark warehouse twirling glowsticks & giving each other back rubs."

"Isn't it ironic how so many females are attracted to assholes, but rarely say ""yes"" to anal?"