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Joke of the Day

"Picturing all of your organs, just laying there pulsating under your skin, is a pretty terrible way to try to fall asleep."

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"Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn."
"When I steal a sweater it's called theft but when a girl does it, it's a sign of affection"
"My urge to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away"
"A guy walks into a Kinkos and asks, ""Do you have any colored printers?"" To which the clerk responds, ""It's 2016 man. You can use any printer you want."""
"A dyslexic man.. A Dyslexic man walks into a bra."
"Why can't Californians stop at stop signs? I don't know and this is not a laughing matter."
"Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!"
"Where others used to bloat facial features or apply some filters to make someone look ugly. I could proudly boast #NoFilter"
"Bought a cheese grater for a blind friend... He said it was the most violent book he's ever read."
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