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Joke of the Day

"What did the apathetic philosopher doctor say? Who cures?"

"What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog."

"Autocorrect changed ""killing spree"" to ""killing soiree"" so bring your finest evening attire because murder can be classy."

"I had to stop eating alphabet soup. I kept developing a vowel blockage."

"Does ""who cares"" count as advice?"

"Don't put words in my mouth...my foot is already in there."

"You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies."

"(Here's a Pick up line) ... You should sell hot dogs ! Because you know how to make a wiener stand!"

"Ways to make your woman happy. 1. Cook for her. 2. Surprise her with hugs & kisses. 3. Hide a lion in her apartment then rescue her."

"What does Garfield like in his bed? Pussy"