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Joke of the Day

"I was talking to a mathematician the other day about fractions it was fair to say, our opinions were divided"

"Adults with big round heads have kids with big round heads so for god sakes please try to date outside your head shape."

"What's the difference between a prostitute and a member of ISIS? One sucks and makes you explode, the other explodes and it sucks"

"How do you make a dead baby float? 2 scoops of ice cream 1 scoop of dead baby"

"My friend told me she has herpes. I told her it's not the end of the world, just a few bumps in the road."

"What's a meth head's favourite thing about Halloween? Only two more sleeps till Christmas!"

"do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"The wedding card selection at this store blows. Lots of ""Congrats"" and ""Best wishes"" but no ""I still question your sexuality"" anywhere."

"When my girlfriend and I decided to make it official, I told her: I have to tell you, before we met, I was... well...promiscuous. Oh cool she exclaimed. I love Greek mythology."