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Joke of the Day

"SIRI, CALL FOR HELP! Searching for kelp. OMGYOU IDIOT! SIRI, GET AN AMBULANCE! There are 23 listings for lap dance in your area."

"Q. Why do blondes smile when it's lightning? A. Because, they think they are having their picture taken."

"A Catholic priest comes in a bar...... on a 5 year old boy's face."

"A rapist, a pedophile and a priest walks into a bar."

"I wanted to make a joke about a Russian airplane... ...but it'll probably get shot down"

"Cabin Fever... A man says to his wife, ""Can you tell me something that makes me angry and happy at the same time?"" She thinks about it and says, ""Sure. You got a bigger dick than your brother."""

"I swear that apple puts something in new iPhones that attracts them to concrete."

"A man, his wife, his kid, and his dog all walk into a bar. *Ouch!* *Ouch!* *Ouch!* *Woof!*"

"A young boy asks his Jewish father for $40... The father replies, ""40 dollars?! What do you need 20 dollars for? Here's $10"" gives him a 5, ""now go split it with your brother."""

"What did the alcoholic 7 get diagnosed with? Heptatitis"