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Joke of the Day

"Warning to friends: If you piss me off I'll put a for sale sign in my yard and list your phone number to call for inquiries."

"My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud. But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination."

"Thanksgiving regret: no one at dinner wanted to talk about why the family members on TV's ""Dinosaurs"" were all different species of dinosaur"

"Saw these two homeless people making out and was like... ...get a room!"

"The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... ""darn it..."" I muttered."

"I have got my own private jet, my wife owns rest of the hottub though."

"What do you call a homosexual Frenchman? A faguette."

"I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan"

"Do one thing that scares you every day. Maybe do four things. Live in constant fear."

"Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows."