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Joke of the Day
"I swear that apple puts something in new iPhones that attracts them to concrete."
Next Joke
"Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal"
"I did a theatrical performance about puns.. Really it was just a play on words."
"Humans are 58% water. Jellyfish are 95% water. Therefore, humans are 61% jellyfish."
"What do you do with dead atoms? Barium"
"What do you call a bee that gets engaged? A Beyonce."
"Man, 2016 really has killed everybody: In November alone we lost Leonard Cohen, Florence Henderson... ...and America."
"It would be awesome to have friends as committed to keeping in touch as much as bill collectors are."
"Interviewer: Where did you receive your education? Me: Yale Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate? Me: I yust got out in Yuly"
"What's the most confusing compliment to give a woman in her 40's? If you had a daughter, I'd fuck her."