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Joke of the Day

"*into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers"

"I was gonna tell a gay joke... ~~butt fuck it.~~ though I decided not to because it would offend the members of the LGBT community."

"Just held the door for an Asian guy and he said ""Sank you"" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that."

"What did the egg say when it was about to be hard boiled? It's gonna take a while to get me hard, because I just got laid by a chick!"

"Did you hear about the plane crash in Poland? It was a Cessna 2 seater, crashed into a graveyard, the body count is up to 453 and they are still finding more."

"I would tell you a pizza joke... ...but it's too cheesy."

"The longest Joke is worth the read http://longestjokeintheworld.com/"

"mars: I'm wet.... NASA: I'm coming over!"

"Forgiveness is for people who don't know about arson."

"I came back from war to find out that I had missed the birth of my wife's second child. Turns out, I also missed the conception."