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Joke of the Day

"Forgiveness is for people who don't know about arson."

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"I used to believe that I had MPD. But I convinced my other self that I didn't."
"Relationship status: Negotiating with the dog to lease space in his flat."
"What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings. A fiddle has straaangs."
"What kind of grass do cows like most? It's a moot point!"
"When you have to deliver bad news, always lead with something worse: ""Honey, our cat died. Just kidding! But, I forgot to buy cat food."""
"If Hillary wins, I'm moving to... Benghazi. At least I know there, she'll leave me alone"
"A turkey was about to cross the road... when a chicken appeared and said ""dont do that that, you will never hear the end of it"""
"The ghost of a dog with no tail walks into a bar after closing time.. Barman: Sorry, we don't retail spirits after hours."
"I designed a website for orphans. There isn't a homepage."