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Joke of the Day

"(At a funeral) Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose something you love. Last year Taylor Swift took her music off Spotify."

"What do sea mammals say when something happens against their kind? Oh, the huge-manatee"

"Actual advice Mallard in a recent interview denounced his internet fame. It was quite a pro duck shun."

"Why does it see like fur is more hated than leather? Its easy to harass a 90lb aneroxic and walk away. It's a lot harder to do the same to the 250lb tattooed, long haired, biker."

"Kids these days have it real easy. There weren't as many paedophiles in my day. I had to buy my own candy."

"Looking for rich sugardaddy to support me so I can support my boyfriend so he can tweet more. *thoughtful romantic tweet*"

"you down with ADD? yeah you know me"

"You'll never hear the phrase ""It's time to separate the men from the boys"" in a Catholic church."

"Your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart."

"GPS: turn left onto High Street Husband: no thanks, I know a longer way."