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Joke of the Day

"""'Earth' without 'the' is just 'ar'."" - Pirates If you haven't seen ""Earth without art is just eh"" then you prolly didn't like this tweet."

"Five Secrets of Successful People: 1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets"

"I could have sworn I saw fig flavored altoids the other day.. must have been a figment of my imagination."

"How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad? You ask them to hold the door for you."

"Michael J. Fox's backup job plan. Become a Living vibrator."

"If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty."

"Certainty Fewer things in life are certain than death, taxes and if you name your son Chester he will touch children"

"I used to make arrow in the knee jokes... ..."

"My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response."

"What do you use to determine if a refrigerated burger is cold enough? A thermomeater!"