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Joke of the Day

"I really need to find a boyfriend. Guy at poker table was like ""This is my girlfriend, Kayla,"" and I was like, ""This is my sandwich, Ham."""

"Psychiatrist to the patient: - Your case is clear. You have double personality. Please, pay bill $ 100 for the consultation... - *Keep $ 50. The rest will make the second one*"

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he fingered a minor."

"What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog."

"Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that."

"cop joke He got pulled over by a cop. Cop:""I've been waiting all day to catch someone like you."" Boy:""I know sir, I got here as fast as I could."""

"Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter."

"Sarah Palin's political integrity. Because she's ~~a woman~~ an idiot."

"*I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* ""Make a wish,"" I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*"

"This gym has a very strict rule no denim jeans or jorts. But if you're 300 lbs of muscle & attitude, apparently it's merely a suggestion."