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Joke of the Day

"Now the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are legally a person with rights, there are a lot of rape charges I'm filing against them."

"My kids are always accusing me of having a ""favorite child"" which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them."

"What do pirates and pimps both have in common.... ...they both say ""yo ho"" and plunder the bootie! Compliments of my gf :)"

"6: Daddy the floor is lava! Me: Oh yeah? *Pushes wife off chair*"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, feminists can't change anything."

"My girlfriend says she needs time and distance Is she calculating velocity?"

"I just ran over a tree, a 5'2"" blonde screaming tree with a purse."

"NSFW A black third grader goes to his mom and says... ""Mom I have the biggest dick in third grade. Is it because I'm black?"" She replies, ""no It's because you're 19""."

"My coworker used to joke ""I'm allergic to most nuts, but not donuts!"". Until Bill brought in peanut butter donuts. He died in the ambulance."

"[in car with wife] ""did you take $20 from my purse?"" *sips $3 coffee* no *gets rear ended and $17 worth of sour candy falls out of glovebox*"