187961

Joke of the Day

"Society is so PC nowadays, you can't even say ""Ho ho ho"" You have to say ""Jessica, Patricia, and Michaela"""

"Me: ""Gee Thanks for spilling Cheerios all over the floor."" 3yo: ""You're welcome Mom, look at this!""*scatters more on floor I deserve that."

"I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say ""Good morning"". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed."

"Sally Jokes Why did sally fall of the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock? *who's there?* Not Sally."

"Facebook taught me to mind everyone else's business."

"A double amputee was brought in for questioning after a shooting at a local convenience store. Police released the man soon after they discovered he was unarmed."

"Guess I should've left..""Guest appearance on Cops"" off my resume"

"I'm a cop and I got caught choking the chicken in public I was revoked of my badge and sentenced to three years jail time. The chicken filed a civil rights suit and received 3 million in reparations"

"What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong!"

"What's the difference between an Irish Funeral and an Irish Wedding? One less drunk person."