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Joke of the Day

"Sally Jokes Why did sally fall of the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock? *who's there?* Not Sally."

"The Fly and R Kelly A Fly buzzes up to R Kelly and asks ""Mr Kelly could you please sing me a song?"" R Kelly pauses in thought then replies ""I believe I can, fly""."

"My 3 year old just got me with this one... 3 yo: Can I please have a mystery? Me: What is that? 3 yo: I don't know, it's a mystery (laughs hysterically)"

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick!"

"I lost 15 pounds by moving my bathroom scales from a hard surface to carpet! Great success!"

"Age is just the number of hours I'm hungover for."

"I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong."

"One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn't Nintendo."

"My decorating style is calculated placement of sentimental things around the house, so after I die, my husband can't get laid."

"Did you hear about the statistician that drowned? Apparently he tried crossing a river with an average depth of 4 feet."