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Joke of the Day

"*rubs magic lamp, genie appears* I wish for World peace. Genie: Can't do it. Million dollars? Genie: Listen bro, I lied on my genie resume."

"Weekends are like an ORGASM: It takes a lot to get there and when you finally do, it's over in no time!"

"What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them? A positive pregnancy test."

"Sorry my seductive strip tease to Janet Jackson's Black Cat blew your Grandma's pacemaker and caused your Mom to divorce your Dad."

"An asian with an STD he can't cure is herpress."

"How does Bran Stark enter a brothel? With a Hodor"

"I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend. Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone ""you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."""

"What do the African nations Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Mozambique, Zambia, and Swaziland have in common? A lot of da Z's."

"William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath. They're going to be called Shatner Pants."

"Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?"