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Joke of the Day

"Lowe's banned me for yelling ""From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!"", as I explained how much carpet I needed."

"Michaelangelo: Yea, sure, I'll paint your ceiling. *To himself* Errybody gon be naked tho."

"What goes in hard and comes out soft and sticky? Gum."

"I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila."

"I can't afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring"

"Why don't lamps talk? They're antisocial lights."

"How do you call Bob the Builder when he is unemployed? Bob"

"Why do cannibals never go hungry? Because they can make themselves dinner."

"Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. ""Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."""

"What idiot called it Canada and not the US of Eh?"