187852

Joke of the Day

"Girls have their phone nonstop. So if they don't text you back within 30 minutes, she ain't feeling you bro."

"She told me she wanted to Netflix and chill. But when I got there she had Redbox."

"What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor? Two Towers."

"What do you call a person who knows 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages? Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language? American."

"I never make mistakes... I thought I did once; but I was wrong."

"""If you're flying with 3 kids, pick the 1 with the highest earning potential & then work your way down with oxygen masks."" -Flight attendant"

"The day I can't do my job drunk... Is the day I hang up my school bus keys."

"If owls are so wise why are they always eating rodents instead of pizza rolls?"

"Met a cute guy at the gym we like all the same movies and he loved my shoes. We have a movie date tonight and he's bringing his boyfriend."

"Jumping on a trampoline naked is an awesome way to see the past, present and future of your body."