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Joke of the Day

"If I was rich I'd hire a guy named Matt to stand in the tub and I'd call him my ""bath Matt."" And I'd also do stuff for malaria and stuff."

"What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider? You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry"

"What is long, hard and full of sperm ? The sock under my bed."

"If Trump deports all the Mexicans Who's going to build the wall?"

"This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him ""You passed my house, let me out"" & he's all like ""Sir I'm a cop and your under arrest for public nudity and intoxication."""

"Two computers are on a date. One says to the other, ""i'm not your type."""

"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh!t."

"What is it with Germans and old operating systems I keep hearing them say ""DOS is good"""

"What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being retarded."

"[2 months into relationship] HER: you've changed ME: [proudly] showered, too"