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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally got melted butter on some fried chicken and this is my delicious origin story."

"WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another."

"Why did the baker's hands smell? Because he kneaded a poo."

"Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love? A: They got married in the spring."

"I hate the new 'Edge' browser Microsoft implemented in Windows 10... ...It's so pointless!"

"I'm 97% sure President Reagan would be riding a horse through the Middle East right now punching terrorists in the face."

"Just once I'd like the guy hired to kill me to complete the job and not fall in love with me."

"Parole officer: Come in and take a seat [me, finishing a jail term for stealing chairs] *starts sweating*"

"Spent way too much time walking around the house trying to track down an odd noise that turned out to be a whistle in my nose."

"*hires skywriter Will you take me back if I stop wasting our money on frivolous things?"