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Joke of the Day

"*cop pulls me over* Cop:Had a bit to drink tonight? Me:What makes you think I've been drinking? *cop leans over and turns off lawnmower*"

"What's the difference... Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and an ass-kisser? A: Depth Perception"

"Brain: no Heart: yes Foot: don't ask me I'm a foot"

"How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian? You switch sides at half time."

"Your momma is so fat, her personal website has a .org domain"

"And I don't want to hear people from imaginary places like Finland telling me that 57 degrees isn't cold, save it for the elves, Santa"

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""are you aware that there is a wheel in your pants?"" The pirate replies, ""AAARGGHH it's driving me nuts!"""

"co-pilot: ""ask in a way that won't panic everyone"" pilot: ""ok"" [via intercom] ""is there a fireman on the plane?"""