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Joke of the Day

"If the election were held today, a lot of people would be like, ""I thought the election was on November 6th."""

"Subway is similar to prostitution. You pay other people to do your wife's job."

"I'm not saying she's a whore... But if you threw her out a window she'd be deep penetrated[.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenestration)"

"I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition. Never opened, only used once"

"Did you hear about the murderer in India? he was a very sikh man"

"*stranded on island* *puts message in bottle and throws it into sea* *years later gets message back* what's updog? *fist pump*"

"How did the Hulk's mind blow? Somebody threw a bone very far and Hulk yelled ""HULK GET IT! HEY WAIT."""

"What do you call someone without any shins? Toeknee."

"Well, this day was a total waste of makeup."

"My wife likes to talk on the phone when she's having sex. The other day, she called me from a hotel."