187089

Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma is so fat when a bus hit her she said who threw the pebble."

"{At funeral} *holding widows hand* I'm sorry for your loss. He had so much updog ""What's updog?"" *pats her hand* Not much what's up with you"

"Why was the geologist hungry? He had a large Apatite."

"life is just a series of people giving up on you til your body gives up too but yeah sure, I'll bring my famous guacamole to the baby shower"

"I just got Natalie Portman's autograph! Sure, it's on a restraining order, but still..."

"Did you hear about the contortionist who filed for bankruptcy? He couldn't make ends meet."

"Roses are red... This one is screwed up, you've been warned. /our flag is too /raise your hand to the sky /and gas all the jews"

"I invented a new joke I invented a new word. Plagiarism. EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you."

"Me: ""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: *opens front face camera*"

"In retrospect, replying ""Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory"", probably wasn't the best way to respond to my therapist."