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Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma is so fat when a bus hit her she said who threw the pebble."

"Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election? Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him."

"A farmer was in a field with his cows, he counted 196 of them.... ..... but when he rounded them up he had 200."

"What's the difference between a women's argument and a knife? The knife has a point !"

"What's a philosopher's favorite toy? Play-doh."

"""honey don't you think you're treating one of our kids unfairly?"" ""who? Tim, Felix or the fat one?"""

"[Bob Dylan giving singing lessons] I'd like you to sing it again, but this time plug your nose and put these 5 marbles in your mouth."

"They say the camera adds ten pounds. I knew this all camera diet was bad for me. They're just so delicious."

"Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they're faux lesbian. I don't believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they're farm-raised."

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"