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Joke of the Day

"Yoga is really kicking in. I'm seeing the definition in my arms and overall flexibility. My vibrator is gonna be really impressed."

"What did Mr. Burns bring to the pot luck? Egg_salad"

"Dog: WHAT IF I'M HERE ALONE FOREVER Dog 911: WHAT WILL U EAT Dog: probably eat the cat LOL Dog 911: LOL"

"Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter."

"What made Gandalf spend most of his time in the Shire at brothels? Love of the Halflings' queef."

"If a hipster falls on the forest, does it make a sound? Yes...but you've probably never heard it before."

"I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case."

"Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough"

"Sheryl Sandberg's husband died while exercising on a treadmill. He was trying to get his Lean In."

"It makes me sad that the closest I'll ever get to 'hulking out' is splitting my trousers when I bend over."