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Joke of the Day

"What does an onii-chan drive? A Niisan. *cue rimshot*"

"My friend said to me, ""I'm going to dress up as an island near the bottom of Italy"" I said ""Don't be so silly."""

"An authoritarian was caught speeding the other day. When asked why he was going so fast he said he, ""put his foot down."""

"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both glide around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!"

"Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill."

"What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion? Two fingers."

"I've got a job for Victoria... Well, *had* a job..."

"What have sex, money and depression in common? You don't talk about them, you have them."

"Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009"

"I was reading a newspaper, and the headline said,""America is without a leader!"" I said,""That's unpresidented!"""