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Joke of the Day

"Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!"

"I don't meant to brag, but I'm the world champion in false modesty."

"What's a Pedophile's Favorite Part about Hockey? Getting there before the first period."

"Yoda is telling a joke to the Jedi Council... ""Why was six afraid of seven?"" he asks. Everyone remains silent, and he says: ""Because nine seven eight!"""

"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."

"They just discovered a terrorist cell in Rome... this summer we might have Italian Isis."

"*steals machine parts all year* *gets coal for xmas* ""Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber"" *turns coal into diamond*"

"My 2 year old has a pretty big attitude considering that I'm the only one who can open the fridge."

"Did you hear about the incompetent circumciser? He slipped and got the sack."

"My mom once forgot her meds and tried to drown me in the bathtub. That made for a really weird 27th Birthday."