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Joke of the Day

"Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!"

"I asked Roy Hodgson if he would consider 4-4-2 next week. He said, ""No, we'll probably go 7-4-7 it's wider and offers more leg room."""

"Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning."

"If I had a dollar If i had a dollar for every time a homeless guy asked me for money, I still wouldn't give him any."

"Did you hear about the Woodstock Killer? He was charged for murder within tents."

"Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with."

"I went up to Serena Williams. I said, ""Serena, what's your favourite planet?"" She said, ""It's Venus."" I said, ""Oh sorry, Venus, what's your favourite planet?"""

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *(choking sounds)*"

"What was the best use of the phrase ""That's what she said"" you've ever heard in person?"

"Which vitamine are feminists missing? D"