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Joke of the Day

"They just discovered a terrorist cell in Rome... this summer we might have Italian Isis."

"If pigs could vote they'd always vote for the guy who brings the food, even though he's the same one who will slaughter and eat them later."

"Life is like a box chocolates... ... It doesn't last long for fat people."

"Don't you guys think that Team America: World Police predicted the terrorist attack in france?"

"Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident."

"Have you heard Schrodinger's joke? It's both funny and not funny at the same time, but there is no way of knowing if anyone else will laugh at it until you've told it."

"Vidi vini Me looking at ancient Etruscan nudes"

"Huh? Guess I must've got drunk and married Google at some point. I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence."

"I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected."

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning Hippy? Because he was too far out, man."