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Joke of the Day
"I don't meant to brag, but I'm the world champion in false modesty."
Next Joke
"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Famine_(Ireland)"
"Lifting the toilet seat AND putting it back down are 2 steps. If women really want equality, they're going to have to take on a step here."
"I just gave my new secretary a sexy dress for her first week's salary. Next week, I'm going to raise her salary."
"A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks ""You drinkin'?"" The driver said ""You buyin'?"""
"How do you piss off an emo? Give them a dull razor."
"A patient in his hospital bed asks his doctor... Patient: Doctor, how much time do I have left to live...? Doctor: Ten Patient: Ten what...? Doctor: Nine..."
"""This is NPR."" Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo."
"My reaction to Kit Kat prices: $1 good deal. $1.25 ok. $1.50 whoa. $1.75 what are we at the OPERA?!"
"I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door. ""Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"""