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Joke of the Day

"[1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need"

"What do clothes and religion have in common? Someone invented them and forced them on everyone."

"America is in the labor room right now... Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl."

"How to get a divorce Wife: Honey, how do I look? Husband: Like a.. Well, great! Wife: Good great or bad great? Husband: Overflowing sewer grate."

"How is an easily-offended person like a broken GPS? They always take things the wrong way."

"I had to perform CPR on my girlfriend during sex last night. When she's half-inflated it's just not the same."

"What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage? A degree in law."

"My girlfriend is the square root of -100 She's a solid 10 but also imaginary"

"Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A. Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug."

"When you say you don't feel good ""Are you pregnant?"" -people without kids ""Do you have to poop?"" -people with kids"