226228

Joke of the Day

"The first rule of flight club is.. ..turn the airplane on. & you should probably learn how to read."

"How to make someone disappear from your life forever. Ask them to pay you back."

"Did you hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between KY Jelly and silicone caulk? The glass fell out of their windows."

"Whenever my anorexic girlfriend says she needs a pee, I never know if she needs the toilet or she's just hungry."

"My dad just called because he was thinking of me & loves me. And THAT'S why I never danced on a pole. Well, that and I got too dizzy."

"I don't want to die doing something I love. I want to die doing something I hate. That way I don't have to finish it."

"They call my dick 'the landmine'... because the second anyone touches it, it explodes :("

"I was gonna tell a racist joke But fuck it, its too dark"

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down your moms throat!"

"The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history"